How to Talk to Your Parents About Estate Planning

We’re all familiar with topics that tend to bring extra weight to a family conversation. One of these is estate planning. It’s a subject filled with magnitude, complexity, emotions and often, familial pain points, which can make it difficult to have open discussions about transferring wealth to the next generation.

However, prioritizing those talks can ensure clarity, prevent conflict down the road, increase your understanding of the ‘why’ behind your parents’ decisions, and present an opportunity for them to modify their decisions while they can.

Here’s a framework, developed by seasoned Goldman Sachs professionals with experience helping families transfer wealth, for how to approach estate-planning discussions with your parents.

• Ask and listen. Part of this process is hearing what’s behind your parents’ goals and hopes for the family’s legacy. Even if you don’t agree with the answers, the right questions can help you understand their motivations and provide a foundation to develop your own plan. Plus, a little bit of understanding goes a long way in preventing and resolving conflicts. Request a family meeting in a positive way, and come with constructive questions and goals. For example:

1. "I'd like to develop my own plan and could use more information."
2. "Can you help me learn to act in a fiduciary capacity like you are?" 
3. "What role do you see me playing in preserving our family's legacy, both now and in the future?"

• Learn roles and responsibilities. Familiarize yourself with the greater picture surrounding estate planning, including taxes, the creation of Trusts and other entities, and who’s responsible for what in your family. Your Goldman Sachs team can provide education on these topics, including the different roles and responsibilities of an executor, a trustee, the grantor/settlor and a beneficiary. We can also give you details about taxes, the estate settlement process, probate and more.

• Use diplomacy. Your needs and wants might differ from the benefactor(s). They may want you to be an executor of the estate, while that’s not something you desire for yourself. You may also want to proactively talk through roles and responsibilities that might create future conflict among siblings or other family members. Articulate your concerns and possible objections in a thoughtful way, with the goal of finding solutions. If you’re asking for something, be sure to have strong reasons supporting the request.

• Engage with the wealth planning team. Your Goldman Sachs team (or your parents’ team) has useful guidance and insight to help you develop your own plan for investing, asset protection, wealth and tax planning and philanthropy. They can also introduce you to the appropriate accountants and attorneys if needed.